It's the moments in a day that make up a life and each memory that we have consists of moments from the past. Some moment/memories brings a smile and a warm feeling to our hearts. Others bring the cloud that threatens rain. We brace ourselves for these moments, putting on a game face and maybe holding the umbrella of survival. And then again some moment/memories surprise us. I remember standing in the grocery aisle picking out who knows what when I started to weep. Right there in the grocery aisle ~ no hiding or pretending that I had something in my eye. It had probably been ten years since my dad had passed away and yet there I was, blinded by the buckets of wetness that was coming from my eyes as I missed my dad. This did pass and I was able to compose myself once again. I'm sure those who saw me quickly forgot about the woman who was having a melt down. But for me this moment turned memory had been etched into the folds of my mind.
It might have been from this memory that I started using the phrase, "just having a moment". Because, you see, there have been many moments when the emotions just could not be contained any longer and have spilled over. This can lead to some awkward moments when people don't know what to do with me. So, through the tears I put up my hand and say, "No worries ~ just having a moment." Sometimes I can even smile or laugh while crying which helps to bring the tensions down and the awkwardness of the situation to a minimum. It used to really bother me that the emotions were always so close to the surface. Now, it is a resignation of the fact.
Everyone has emotions and everyone will cry in their lifetime. Jesus wept. The apostle Paul writes as someone who has much emotion. And why wouldn't he? Christ appeared to him as one out of season and in a miraculous way. For the Christian to understand and experience, even in the smallest detail, the grace and wonder of Christ's love for us should bring such emotion as to render us undone. Nothing compares to this. Can you imagine the apostle Paul speaking to crowds in a monotone saying this:
"Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgements and how inscrutable his ways! For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor? Or who has given a gift to him that he might be repaid? For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen"
To be sure there is much to weep over in this world. Everyone has felt the ache of sorrow and pain. But God has promised to turn our mourning into dancing. There is a day coming for every believer that all tears will be wiped away. Even now our God gives grace and peace to live each day in the sunshine of His favor. So when those rain clouds threaten to give way, go to Jesus. He is the source of all life and He withholds nothing but lavishes us with His kindness.
It is okay to have emotions and cry. Some of the best moments with Jesus is the crying that comes from gratitude. And while you are crying put on some dancing shoes. Then, do a little singing and dancing in the rain.
As an update: We had to be at the hospital at dark thirty in the morning today as I was scheduled to have the port put in. I'm happy to say that all went well and we were home a bit after noon. It's still a bit sore (understandable) but I was able to enjoy the sunshine and even get a nap. Chemotherapy starts on the 15th. Thank you for your prayers. I know that He hears!