The Rescuing

O Lord, God of vengeance,

O God of vengeance, shine forth!

Rise up, O judge of the earth; repay the proud what they deserve!

O Lord, how long shall the wicked,

how long shall the wicked exult?

They pour out their arrogant words; all the evildoers boast.

They crush your people, O Lord, and afflict your heritage.  

They kill the widow and the sojourner, and murder the fatherless;

and they say, "The Lord does not see;

the God of Jacob does not perceive."

~ Psalm 94:1-7

Weariness crept into her bones like a ghost.  She couldn't see it coming but she felt the heaviness.  Her life was ebbing away little bits by little bits.   Pain, heartache and disease were all around her.  Honora had always felt that she was in this place for a reason.  But of late deceiving whispers were creeping into her ears and placing dark doubts in her heart.  She got up, as if to defy the mortal flesh, to face another day of demands and scorn.   She wiped the fresh tears from her face and walked out to the fire pit only to be met by scores of people needing her help.  Momentarily, Honora forgot her own hardship and suffering as she looked out on those gathered around the heat of the flames.  Sad and dirty faces, torn clothes on flesh and bones.  The enemy not only tried to destroy those of the Kingdom but also some of it's own people because that is what evil does.  Cancerous entities working from the inside out to harm and cripple so that the power over it is complete.

For the last number of months this was Honora's world and where she engaged in most of her battles.  Here she would combat the hateful forces that would take a person's body so that it could consume the soul.  Was her own heart to be consumed as well?  Lately she wondered if she were here because of her own failure.  Maybe if she had been better.  If she had done her job with perfect precision she would be in a better place.  The thoughts that  raced through her mind were ones of inadequacy and down right lowliness.   She was not worthy to be a rider much less a daughter of the kingdom.

These were the thoughts that plagued her as she attended those around her.  Honora stilled believed in the MC and loved Him.  But she wondered if she was loved, could be loved, because she was less than she should  be.  In all her efforts to be more there was this element of failure.  How could she get back to where she once had been?  Where was it that she could  feel the thrill of victory again?

"Understand, O dullest of the people!

Fools, when will you be wise?

He who planted the ear, does he not hear?

He who formed the eye, does he not see?

He who disciplines the nations, does he not rebuke?

He who teaches man knowledge 

The Lord knows the thoughts of man. 

That they are but a breath."

~ Psalm 94:8-11

All these long  months had given Honora lots of time to think and reflect.  In her more rational moments she knew that the darts (evil thoughts) that were being hurled at her by the enemy were untrue.  Of course, there had been many mistakes and failures.  But in her clearest moments there were no doubts of being loved.  No, Honora knew that the love of the Master Commander for her was great.  Not because of anything she had done but because of who the MC was.

It is so much harder in a place of darkness to feel any kind of victory.  So, consequently, Honora was battling on more than one front.  To be sure, the physical battle was horrific.  Not only did she feel in her body the ravages of this place but it was all around her in the filth and pain of others.  The sun was not shining in this part of the world.  All was gray hued with no color.  And it seemed to suck the life out of everything.  This was not the fiercest of the battles.  No, in this place, the enemy's evil darts were the worst.  Daily, hourly, and moment by moment Honora would have to repeat what is true instead of believing what the enemy was telling her.  This beating down of the spirit was a particular torment.

One of Honora's delights in this terrible ordeal (and possibly the only delight) was the moments that she would be able to see her beloved horse, Abidon.   She would stroke his nose and hug his neck.  He would nicker and nuzzle back.  And, at rare times, she would actually jump onto his back and sit, then lay down and enjoy the warmth of this large steed.  Here she found some semblance of peace and tranquility.  It never lasted for long but there would be promises of return for not only the horse's benefit but mostly for her own.  There is always a goodness or blessing in the dark places.  These help us to remember God's mercies of the past while hoping for more mercies in the future.

And so the days passed as did the months.  Honora was beginning to believe that she would never again be able to go home.  Instead of the beautiful colors of the Kingdom she would have to endure the drab of gray that surrounded her.  How was one to live and find joy in the midst of all this misery?  Patience is a virtue and sacrifice has integrity but how was she to find joy in her circumstances?

The next morning Honora woke to the sun shining on her face.  She sat up with a start as she couldn't remember in all these months the sun shining before.  Something warm entered into her as if a new hope had emerged.  What was this?  It wasn't just the rays of the sun on her face although it was wonderful.  This was something more, as if a star had exploded inside of her.

"I have chosen you and not cast you off;

fear not, for I am with you;

be not dismayed, for I am your God'

I will strengthen you, I will help you,

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

. . . . And you shall rejoice in the Lord;

in the Holy One of Israel you shall glory."

 ~ Isaiah 41:9b-10; 16b

In all the long months Honora had gone from confident rider of the King to doubts and even despairing of life.  She was beginning to understand that the MC breaks down in order to rebuild something even better.  This older woman had gone for many years on her own strength even though she understood in part what it means to lean on the Lord.  Now, after the breaking down of her spirit and body, she gained a new understanding of what this all means.  True strength comes when one is desperate and can no longer stand.

"O Lord,

I bless thee that the issue of the battle between thyself and Satan

has never been uncertain, and will end in victory. 

Calvary broke the dragon's head, and I contend with a vanquished foe,

who with all his subtlety and strength has already been overcome.

When I feel the serpent at my heel may I remember him whose heel was bruised,

but who, when bruised, broke the devil's head.

My soul with inward joy extols the mighty conqueror.

Heal me of any wounds received in the great conflict;

if I have gathered defilement, 

if my faith has suffered damage,

if my hope is less than bright, 

if my love is not fervent,

if some creature-comfort occupies my heart,

if my soul sinks under pressure of the fight.

O thou whose every promise is balm, 

every touch life,

draw near to the weary warrior, 

refresh me, that I might rise again to wage the strife,

and never tire until my enemy is trodden down.

Give me such fellowship with thee that I may defy Satan,

unbelief, the flesh, the world,

with delight that comes not from a creature, and which a creature cannot mar.

Give me draught of the eternal fountain 

that lieth in thy immutable, everlasting love and decree.

Then shall my hand never weaken, 

my feet never stumble,

my sword never rest, 

my shield never rust,

my helmet never shatter,

my breastplate never fall,

as my strength rests in the power of thy might."

~ Valley of Vision

It takes a lifetime to learn that the battle is truly the Lord's.  Here is where Honora found the peace and joy that was so needed.  She no longer looked at her circumstances with bleakness because it wasn't what surrounded her that changed her.  No, it was what was in her that changed her circumstances.

Honora was rescued long before help came.